Disillusionment

The thing is, if I think they’re about to hurt me, I won’t just pull away, I’ll disappear. No questions, no confrontation, no explanation, not a peep. I’ll just disappear. And they’ll be left wondering what the hell happened, where did you — where did we — when did everything go so wrong.

Their Questions and Declaration

They never say to you, ‘What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies?’ Instead, they demand, ‘How old is he? How many brothers has he? How much money does his father make?’ Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.

.Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.

They never say to you, 'What does he do? What are his hobbies? What does he think about his future? What kind of food he likes to eat?' Instead, they demand, 'How old is he? Where does he comes from? Why don't he learned to behave? Why don't he has a settle job? How much money does he make?' Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.

.Me. 

..Leo..

Leo si “Ratu” yang dikagumi dari jauh dan dekat serta berada di bawah pengaruh the Sun which is the Centre of Our Universe, yang nggak seperti planet-planet lainnya kadang berjalan mundur (retrograde), the Sun terus berjalan maju. Dan Leo persis seperti the Sun. Nggak punya waktu untuk masa lalu, Leo sangatlah percaya diri bahkan keras kepala, bahagia dengan moving forward nggak mendendam or looking back.

Leo bisa sangat mengintimidasi – sadar nggak? Keyakinanmu akan diri sendiri kadang mengejutkan zodiac lainnya yang lebih “lemah”. Coba usahakan jangan terlihat seperti nggak butuh orang lain – kamu bisa banget bikin orang percaya hal tersebut, sehingga nggak ada di sisimu saat kamu memerlukan orang lain.

Sama seperti kucing, tergantung pada mood-mu, kamu bisa mengunyah atau mendengkur penuh perhatian. Siapa pun yang pernah mencintai Leo pasti tahu bahwa cinta pada Leo artinya tergaga-gaga pada Leo. Kamu melakukan apapun dengan passion yang cukup untuk memulai api. Zodiakmu sangat berhubungan dengan dramatisasi. Kamu pun suka jadi pusat perhatian dan kenapa tidak? Kamu selalu punya hal yang menarik untuk disampaikan, makanya perhatian orang gampang tertuju padamu. And you love it!

Tapi kamu pun termasuk zodiak yang paling murah hati, memberikan waktu dan uang dan cinta pada siapapun yang menurutmu membutuhkan. Dan saat menghadapi kesulitan kamu pun tetap bisa mempertahankan harga diri serta dihormati pada setiap situasi. Kadang arogan, selalu berwibawa, dan jarang kehilangan sikap.

Satu hal, kamu nggak murahan! Leo memperlakukan diri sendiri sama baiknya seperti memperlakukan orang lain dan kamu menginginkan yang terbaik untuk segala hal – makanan dan mobil dan pakaian dan perintilan yang pantas untuk seorang Ratu, pastinya. Kamu pun murah hati walaupun bisa juga tegas, tapi kamu nggak membiarkan temperamen mengalahkan dirimu. Kamu suka kalau orang lain tahu tempat masing-masing dan siapa pun yang menghabiskan cukup banyak waktu dengan dirimu, akan mengerti hal tersebut. Leo juga adalah zodiak selebriti. Jadi walaupun kamu bukan orang terkenal (yet), gunakan bakat Leo untuk bersinar bagai bintang kemana pun kamu pergi dan apa pun yang kamu lakukan. Kamu tahu kalau kamu memang berbeda dan kamu menikmatinya. Nggak standar, selalu berbeda, Leo memimpin.

Source: Fimela.com

It's time to forget..

Its time to move on (again)

Sometimes Love is not enough...

...and we have to let go.

On My Other Reflection

You should date a girl who takes photographs.

Date a girl who takes photographs. Date a girl whose favourite sound is the click-click of the shutter as it closes and opens to capture a memory. Date a girl who sees beauty in the simplest of things. Date a girl who looks at the world and wonders how to put a little of herself into it.

You might find her in the park, lost behind her lens, the world a blur around her as she tries to capture a single moment in time. You might find her in an exhibit, a look of concentration on her face as she contemplates a photograph that called out to her as she was passing by.  Or maybe you will find her in a bookstore, a book in her lap as she pores over photographs of weddings all the while wondering what hers would look like.

Take her out to photo walks and laugh as she tries to take a picture of you. When she gets tired of walking, buy her cupcakes but wait until she has taken pictures of them before eating them. Listen as she tells you her ideas for a photoshoot on the ride home.

Take her to a restaurant and wait patiently as she surveys the menu carefully, appreciating the food photography. And again, wait until she has taken a photo of your food before digging in. Allow her to introduce you to Ansel Adams while you both eat your lunch. Introduce her to your favorite musician as you wait for the bill to arrive. When you get home, change your Facebook profile picture to a photograph she has taken of you. She silently hopes for it.

Take stolen shots of her. Compile it and give it to her on her birthday. Tell her you love her over and over until your voice replaces the click of the shutter as her favourite sound. Kiss her on the nose as she lifts her head up from the camera. Give her camera-shaped necklaces. Go places with her.

You will never be bored again.

Date a girl who takes photographs. She will never whine about a little dirt on her favourite pair of jeans as she kneels down to get a better angle of her subject. She will never be afraid to go on adventures with you. She will take photographs of you not just with her camera but with her mind as well and keep it to herself to admire late at night. But above all, she will teach you how to look at the world through different perspectives and she will do so unknowingly.

Marry a girl who takes photographs. Ditch those wedding photography books and give her the most beautiful wedding you could. She will teach your kids to find the beauty in everything just as she has taught you. Every day will be an adventure as she tries to create memories photograph-worthy with you. She may wake you up in the middle of the night because she is buzzing with ideas but she will make it up in the morning with a stack of hot pancakes beside a steaming cup of your favourite coffee blend.

Grow old with a girl who takes photographs. Sit with her on the front porch as you both pore over the bits and pieces of the moments you’ve shared together. Stroke her hair as you both relive the photo walks that you took and the places you went when you were both young. Smile as you both reenact your clever wedding vows.

Date a girl who takes photographs because she will never let anyone take you away from her like she will never let anyone steal her photographs. Because she will inspire the fuck out of you. Because she will always see that “something” in the most “nothing” of things.

- Claiie

"I don't open up my self to you because you had close yours to me"

On My Reflection..

 

 

I find a comment on one girl's blog. It is a man who wrote this. He said he fall for this girl's blog, then he wrote this. This man knows better about women than women their selves. Every word he say is true, but not every woman has the ability to understand their own power. A really deserve-to-be-hunt man. He is most wanted ;) 

Contrary to popular belief, guys don't all look for that pretty bimbo. Sure, their eyes will linger on her physique for a while longer than others and sure, they may take her home with them but no man would want to give his heart to that stunning bimbo. Believe it or not, men do dream of love much like women do. Their desires for affection are not as openly discussed and therefore they are believed to be none existent but I assure you that this is not true. A man desire's a certain type of girl. A game-changer.

The game changer is a seemingly normal girl that a man might meet at any seemingly normal place. In a coffee shop, at school, shopping for clothes in that vintage store down the street, in your building, even at a bar. A man will often stumble upon the game-changer by chance but will know she is one as soon as he finds her. She'll captivate him immediately and he'll feel like someone has woken him up from a long slumber with a bucket of ice cold water. She'll inspire him, she'll make him grow (not change), and she'll steal his heart away in an instant. She'll make him feel stronger at times, and completely weak at others. She'll terrify him but also give him the courage to be brave. She'll make him want to be a better man; make him want to preform grand gestures out of love. And when she leaves, she'll break him as he has never been broken before. He will then either go two ways: He'll either avoid the game-changers and stick with the pretty bimbo's or he'll vow to find the game-changer that will stay with him, that will let him love her for all of eternity.

The most tragic thing about you game-changers is that you all think of yourselves as "average" when really, you are the most extraordinary creatures to walk the earth. You are beautiful because you have the ability to make someone else beautiful. You are beautiful, because you have the ability to turn a right bastard in a gentleman. You are beautiful, because you change someone's game and, in turn, the course of their life.


I'm sorry for being so tedious but I needed you to understand what I meant when I tell you that after reading your blog, I've come to the conclusion that you are a game-changer. I envy the man that manages to capture your heart, and I wish that fate would have allowed it to be me.

Sincerely,
A man who's heart you've changed with just a blog. 

Source: Paint Me A Palace

Facebook -> Friend List -> Delete

Hyaaaaaaa,,,days go by...

I am close to home ;)

Yeahh,,finally...

Just back from work, went online and finally I follow one of my friend's advice to block and remove some friends in my friend list who actually not my friends ;) no offense, just I feel they don't deserve a space in my page.. like.. some online sellers, betrayer, back stabber, stalker and all of them who faking their self as my friend. Thaa..bye bye good riddance and good luck with your life, I have my own and I don't want to be disturbed.

..don't date us unless you truly a brilliant and brave man, because we won't get bored to learn and write about you..

You should date a girl who reads.

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.
She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent.  Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.
It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.
Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

- Rosemarie Urquico

(In Response to Charles Warnke’s You Should Date An Illiterate Girl.)

..a desperate man's letter..

You should date an illiterate girl. 


Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in a film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into it every time the air gets stale or the evenings too long. Talk about nothing of significance. Do little thinking. Let the months pass unnoticed. Ask her to move in. Let her decorate. Get into fights about inconsequential things like how the fucking shower curtain needs to be closed so that it doesn’t fucking collect mold. Let a year pass unnoticed. Begin to notice.

Figure that you should probably get married because you will have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Take her to dinner on the forty-fifth floor at a restaurant far beyond your means. Make sure there is a beautiful view of the city. Sheepishly ask a waiter to bring her a glass of champagne with a modest ring in it. When she notices, propose to her with all of the enthusiasm and sincerity you can muster. Do not be overly concerned if you feel your heart leap through a pane of sheet glass. For that matter, do not be overly concerned if you cannot feel it at all. If there is applause, let it stagnate. If she cries, smile as if you’ve never been happier. If she doesn’t, smile all the same.

Let the years pass unnoticed. Get a career, not a job. Buy a house. Have two striking children. Try to raise them well. Fail frequently. Lapse into a bored indifference. Lapse into an indifferent sadness. Have a mid-life crisis. Grow old. Wonder at your lack of achievement. Feel sometimes contented, but mostly vacant and ethereal. Feel, during walks, as if you might never return or as if you might blow away on the wind. Contract a terminal illness. Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion, that no one will write the story of your lives, and that she will die, too, with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.

Do those things, god damnit, because nothing sucks worse than a girl who reads. Do it, I say, because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell. Do it, because a girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent of a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder. A girl who reads lays claim to a vocabulary that distinguishes between the specious and soulless rhetoric of someone who cannot love her, and the inarticulate desperation of someone who loves her too much. A vocabulary, goddamnit, that makes my vacuous sophistry a cheap trick.

Do it, because a girl who reads understands syntax. Literature has taught her that moments of tenderness come in sporadic but knowable intervals. A girl who reads knows that life is not planar; she knows, and rightly demands, that the ebb comes along with the flow of disappointment. A girl who has read up on her syntax senses the irregular pauses—the hesitation of breath—endemic to a lie. A girl who reads perceives the difference between a parenthetical moment of anger and the entrenched habits of someone whose bitter cynicism will run on, run on well past any point of reason, or purpose, run on far after she has packed a suitcase and said a reluctant goodbye and she has decided that I am an ellipsis and not a period and run on and run on. Syntax that knows the rhythm and cadence of a life well lived.

Date a girl who doesn’t read because the girl who reads knows the importance of plot. She can trace out the demarcations of a prologue and the sharp ridges of a climax. She feels them in her skin. The girl who reads will be patient with an intermission and expedite a denouement. But of all things, the girl who reads knows most the ineluctable significance of an end. She is comfortable with them. She has bid farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness.

Don’t date a girl who reads because girls who read are storytellers. You with the Joyce, you with the Nabokov, you with the Woolf. You there in the library, on the platform of the metro, you in the corner of the café, you in the window of your room. You, who make my life so goddamned difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life of which I spoke at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being told. So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. Or, perhaps, stay and save my life. *

- Charles Warnke
* alternate ending

Source: paint me a palace

Kina Grannis - Strong Enough

 

No, it's not enough

Don't touch my hand and call it love

If you can't hold it tight

Realizing a lack in your will to fight

And I'm not blind to what you're doing here

Make me feel like I'm special

But my dear, I have seen through a weakness in your eyes

You don't know it, but you're telling me lies

And you will soon awake to see

There is no heart in anything you say to me

We thought we'd found a harmony, a perfect match of melodies

No,,,

If you listen closely now, I've been singing all alone

"A song by Kina Grannis, Strong Enough"

 

It took me 3 years to finnally realize, a true good man who love me won't do what he did, he's not a man, he's a child, thank God ;)

 

Go Away!

You didn't even made me cry

You only made me grow stronger!

Thanks a bunch ;)

Yesterday I was so confuse, I was affraid I would made a wrong choice, losing someone precious. But after I witness the fact yesterday with my own eyes, I am relief, God was leading me to the right choice, which is leaving.

 

"The Quotes of What's Inside Me"

Best Divorce Letter Ever

Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
——
Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.
I hope that’s not a problem.

Source: A Sweet Blog

Every relationship goes through stages. 

Where and how each stage develops is ultimately up to each person. 

While we always hope for the best, we often can't avoid the inevitable...

Kina Grannis: Stay a Little

Would you stay just a little while in my life?

Our conversation hasn't end..
Because you were gone before I said goodbye..

The End

......and the story ends.

Another Lazy Night

Hailooowwhaaa!!!

It's me again...

When actually I have to study tonite for the course I'll take on July (yeh I'm running outta time) I'm here finding my self listening to Adhitia Sofyan's music especially "Gaze" (I rewind it hundred times) then downloading his album, enjoying the mellow nite by my self inside my small dormitory....with the rain fall down outside...

perfecto! I won't touch the books ;p

In a mellow times like this, the wild side of my mind can go thru the deepest tunnel in my head, forcing me to think anything it want!

..new world..

Haven't told ya my best friend (my blog), that I'm working now. I've been working for about a month and I've accept my first proper salary today. It such a nice thing to get. A proper salary. Why didn't I felt overwhelmed?? feels strange after questionin' for years about how it feel to hold big money of my own in hand for the first time.

I'm not going to explain about my work space nor work place nor work days

I am a bad decision maker and my job is about deciding something in a few minutes so I believe y'all has got the whole thing.

..new people..

like another new story, there always be new people.

Before I came here I thought it would be just as plain as a cup of a plain yoghurt. With a new world that's totally unlike mine. A world full of different "religion views" and full of strict rules. I was thingking I can't go for long time..

but...

I then find it different...

Each of them has a unique something that connect me. I started to feel convenience.

..new story..

and the story begins. the story which can not be told. because it hasn't finished yet. it maybe almost. but still..there's a hope that it'll continue. in a good way.